I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
