update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
