I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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