I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
