Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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