Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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