i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
