i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
