I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
