the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've blown a few things in my day
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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