He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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