the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
