I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
