Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
