Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
