No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize