The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
