I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
