The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
