I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
