I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
