tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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