i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?