I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.