I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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