I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"