My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty