Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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