Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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