It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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