I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
