I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize