it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
