Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
