my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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