Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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