I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ttyl tear gas
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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