There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
