I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
