My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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