Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
