I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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