Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
