Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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