dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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