The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
