i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
