Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No subtext here. People are naked.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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