But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
