First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
