So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
