hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
