I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
