He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize