So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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