Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
