i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
