what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
