I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
