My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
