Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
why is half of my head shaved?
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