weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
