We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
