im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
