We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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