The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
