I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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