just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
FUCK WHALES
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
