I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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