His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
