I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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