i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
