I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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