Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
