Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
