she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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