ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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