I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
