every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
