it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
